was nine weeks pregnant when I took the abortion pill. Nine weeks. Two months and one week. Long enough to have morning sickness, sore breasts, and that constant metallic taste in my mouth that made everything smell wrong. Long enough to feel like my body had been hijacked.

I found out I was pregnant at six weeks. I spent the next three weeks in a fog of indecision. Should I keep it? Could I? I am a graduate student at the University of Illinois. I live on a stipend. I have student loans. I share a two-bedroom apartment with two roommates.

I did the math over and over. A baby would mean dropping out of school. It would mean moving back in with my parents. It would mean giving up everything I had worked for.

I did not want to be pregnant. But I also did not want to have an abortion. I wanted a third option. A magic wand. A do-over. But life does not work that way.

So I made an appointment. I drove to Matteson on a Saturday morning. I sat in the waiting room. I took the first pill. And then I went home and waited.

This is what I wish someone had told me before I took the abortion pill at 9 weeks.

The Waiting Is the Worst Part

No one prepares you for the waiting. You take the first pill at the clinic. Mifepristone. It is small and white and tastes like nothing. You swallow it with water. And then you wait.

Nothing happens right away. You go home. You make lunch. You watch TV. You try not to think about the fact that your body is already starting to change. The pregnancy is no longer growing. But you do not feel any different.

Then you wait 24 to 48 hours to take the second pill. Those hours are strange. You know something is happening inside you, but you cannot see it or feel it. You are in a kind of limbo. Pregnant but not. Waiting for the process to begin.

The Second Pill Is Intense. But Manageable.

I took the second pill on Sunday morning. Misoprostol. I placed the tablets between my cheek and gum as instructed. They tasted chalky. I let them dissolve for 30 minutes. Then I swallowed what was left.

Within an hour, I felt the first cramp. It was like a deep, pulling sensation low in my belly. Then another. Then another. Within two hours, the cramping was strong. Not unbearable. But strong. Like the worst period I had ever had, multiplied by about 1.5.

The bleeding started soon after. Heavy. Bright red. I sat on the toilet and watched clots fall into the water. Some were small. Some were larger. I had read that I might see the pregnancy tissue. I did. It was not a baby. It was not a tiny human. It was a clump of cells. I flushed. I washed my hands. I went back to the couch.

I used a heating pad. I took ibuprofen. I drank water. I watched mindless television. The worst of it lasted about four hours. By Sunday evening, the cramping had eased. The bleeding was still heavy but manageable. By Monday morning, I was tired but functional.

For Illinois residents who prefer to take the pills at home with ongoing support, abortion pill by mail is available with discreet shipping and after-hours care.

The Bleeding Lasts Longer Than You Expect

I thought I would bleed heavily for a day and then be done. That is not how it worked. I bled heavily for about 48 hours. Then the bleeding turned into a normal period for another five days. Then I spotted off and on for two more weeks.

At first, I was worried. I called the clinic. The nurse said it was normal. As long as I was not soaking through two pads an hour for two hours in a row, I was fine. I was not even close to that. So I waited. And eventually, the bleeding stopped.

If you are bleeding after the abortion pill and are unsure what is normal, a telehealth follow-up can help. Confidential abortion consultations are available by phone or video.

The Cramping Comes and Goes

I expected the cramping to be constant. It was not. It came in waves. Sometimes strong. Sometimes barely noticeable. The worst cramps were on the first day. After that, the cramping was mild and intermittent.

I learned to listen to my body. When a wave of cramping came, I would stop what I was doing, breathe through it, and wait for it to pass. It always passed.

The Emotional Part Was Harder Than the Physical

I knew the physical part would be uncomfortable. I was prepared for that. But no one warned me about the emotional rollercoaster. The hormones crashing. The exhaustion. The sudden waves of sadness that came out of nowhere.

I did not regret my decision. Not for one second. But I was sad. Sad that I had to make this choice. Sad that I could not give my future self the option of having this baby. Sad that I would never know who that little person might have been.

I cried. Not because I had made the wrong choice. Because making the right choice can still be hard. Because being a responsible adult sometimes means choosing between two bad options. Because grief and relief can live in the same body at the same time.

If you are feeling emotional after your abortion, you are not broken. You are not confused. You are human. In-clinic abortion services in Matteson include access to providers who understand exactly what you are going through.

You Might Feel Fine. That Is Okay Too.

Some people feel fine after the abortion pill. Relieved. Light. Free. If that is you, do not feel guilty. Do not wonder if something is wrong with you because you are not sad. Nothing is wrong with you. You made the right decision for your life, and you are allowed to feel good about that.

I felt both. Relief and sadness. Grief and gratitude. All of it at once. That is allowed too.

The Clinic Staff Were Incredible

I cannot say enough about the staff at the Matteson clinic. They were kind without being fake. They were professional without being cold. They answered my questions without making me feel stupid. They gave me a heating pad. They gave me a number to call if I had concerns. They treated me like a person, not a case number.

If you are nervous about calling, do not be. The people on the other end of the line have spoken with thousands of patients. They have heard every question, every fear, every hesitation. They will not judge you. They will simply help.

What I Wish I Had Known Before I Started

Here is what I wish someone had told me before I took the abortion pill at 9 weeks:

• Stock up on heavy duty pads. Not the thin ones. The ones designed for postpartum or heavy flow. You will need them.

• Buy ibuprofen and a heating pad. You will use both.

• Clear your schedule for the day you take the second pill. Do not plan anything important. You will want to be near a bathroom.

• Eat easy-to-digest food. Soup. Crackers. Toast. Your stomach may be upset.

• Have a support person nearby if you want one. You can also do it alone. Both are fine.

• Do not panic if the bleeding lasts longer than a week. That is normal.

• Call the clinic if you are worried. That is what they are there for.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

How fast can I get a telehealth abortion in Illinois?
Most patients complete their consultation on the same day they reach out. Medications are shipped within 24 hours and arrive in 1-3 business days.

Do I need insurance to get the abortion pill in Illinois?
No. Financial assistance is available for uninsured patients. Illinois Medicaid also covers the full cost for eligible residents.

Is the abortion pill safe at 9 weeks?
Yes. The abortion pill is safe and effective up to 12 weeks. Success rates remain above 95% at 9 weeks.

How long does the abortion pill process take at 9 weeks?
Most people complete the process within 24 to 48 hours after taking the second medication. Bleeding may be heavier than in earlier pregnancies, which is normal.

What are the signs of a complication?
Call your provider if you soak through two pads per hour for two hours, pass clots larger than a lemon, feel faint or dizzy, have severe pain not relieved by ibuprofen, or have a fever over 100.4°F for more than 24 hours.

Will my abortion pill be free with Illinois Medicaid?
Yes. Illinois Medicaid covers the consultation, the pills, shipping, and follow-up care at no cost.

What if I change my mind after taking the first pill?
You can change your mind before taking the second pill. Call your provider immediately.

Can I get pregnant again after taking the abortion pill?
Yes. You can ovulate as soon as two weeks after an abortion. If you do not want to become pregnant, talk to your provider about birth control.

Will this affect my ability to have children in the future?
No. Safe, legal abortion does not affect future fertility.

You Will Get Through This

I am writing this two months after my abortion. I am okay. More than okay. I am back in school. I am back to studying for my exams. I am back to living my life.

The abortion did not ruin me. It did not define me. It was something I needed to do at a specific point in my life. And now it is over.

If you are nine weeks pregnant and do not want to be, you have options. You have time. You have choices. You are not a bad person for not wanting to continue this pregnancy. You are a person who knows what she needs.

The hardest part is the first call. After that, everything else is just following instructions.

You have got this. I promise.